Expert Clarifies Comments on Encouraging Early Lessons in Consent During Diaper Changes
An educator and author specializing in early childhood development and consent has addressed public controversy following remarks suggesting that parents consider asking infants for permission before changing their diapers.
Deanne Carson made the comments during a televised discussion on the importance of cultivating a “culture of consent” within families. While acknowledging that infants are not capable of verbal responses, Carson advocated for establishing respectful communication from an early age. She suggested that caregivers might say something like, “I’m going to change your diaper now, is that OK?”—not to receive an actual reply, but to begin modeling interactive communication.
Carson elaborated that leaving a brief pause and observing a child’s body language or making eye contact can serve as an early form of acknowledgment, helping the child recognize that their responses are seen and valued.
Her perspective has sparked intense discussion online. Some individuals questioned the practicality of her approach, with critics arguing that infants already express discomfort through crying and that delaying diaper changes could have health consequences. Others expressed skepticism, asking what actions a parent should take if a child seemingly “refused” a diaper change.
Despite the criticism, Carson’s comments have received support from several professionals and caregivers. One educator emphasized the value of clearly communicating with children about intentions during caregiving routines, particularly when responsible for the care of others’ children.
Katie Russell, a spokesperson for a non-profit focused on sexual violence prevention, supported Carson’s view. She emphasized that Carson was encouraging parents to avoid assuming consent and to foster a household environment where children learn early that their bodies and boundaries are respected.
Parenting expert Julie Romanowski also weighed in, noting that everyday actions, such as asking a child for a hug instead of demanding one, contribute to teaching respect for bodily autonomy. She framed such interactions as foundational to building self-respect and mutual understanding.
In a written statement, Carson responded to the widespread backlash, clarifying the intent behind her remarks. She explained that her suggestion was not meant to imply that diaper changes should be contingent on an infant’s explicit permission. Instead, the idea is to model caring, respectful behavior during intimate caregiving moments—practices that can lay the groundwork for healthy communication and mutual respect in later life.
Carson concluded that these early interactions are less about obtaining literal consent and more about demonstrating empathy and attentiveness, thereby embedding the principles of consent into everyday family life from the earliest stages of development.
